Everything about relationships seems perfect in the beginning- fantastic conversions, established boundaries, clear communications, and unbreakable trust. Then comes the doubts. ‘Will it fall apart like last time?’, ‘What if it’s not the right person for me?’, ‘Are they hiding something from me?’.

This constant feeling of worry and insecurity is known as relationship anxiety. It is an extremely common experience for partners during the starting of a relationship when are unsure about each other’s interests in the relationship.

What are the causes of relationship anxiety?

Worries and doubts can creep into a relationship at any time. For some, uncertainty arises during the initial stages of the relationship. Others experience it over time when they are committed to a long-term relationship [1]. Here are some of the common factors that can cause relationship anxiety.

Negative past relationship experiences

Anxiety in a relationship commonly arises from the fear triggered by the ill experiences in the past relationship. Breakups can be hard and they can create lasting doubts or fears in our minds. When these feelings are projected onto the new relationship, anxiety builds up. We start to doubt our partner’s feelings, wondering if we matter to them.

Anxious attachment

One of the main factors that drive you to question your relationship constantly can be traced back to the troubled relationship between you and your parents. You might have to face some love and care from your parents, but mostly cruelty and abandonment. When you grow up, this manifests as an anxious attachment in your later relationships. You start to question their worth and cling to the people you love for care and attention. In a relationship, you will be constantly watching out for the first signs of losing interest [2].

Poor self-esteem

Self-worth and value are two factors that can strongly affect the quality of your life. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, then you will have to face constant doubt about whether you deserve your partner’s love.  This eventually jeopardizes the relationship.

Lack of proper communication

Communication is the key to building and nurturing a healthy relationship. When there is poor communication in a relationship, leaves an evident gap in your relationship. It makes the partner develop anxiety about the state of the relationship or about the other person’s affection. Honest and open conversion allows you to clear doubts between each other and help nurture strong bonds between each other.

What are the signs of relationship anxiety?

Some of the main manifestations of relationship anxiety can be recognized as the following ones.

• Constant worry about your partner’s feelings.
• Looking to please your partner at any cost, even if it takes a toll on you.
• Trying to control your partner’s actions
• Being clingy.
• Worrying about whether you are romantically compatible with your partner.
• Overanalyzing and worrying about simple actions or words from your partner
• Worrying all the time than enjoying the relationship.

How can you overcome relationship anxiety?

Feeling anxious can be really uncomfortable, especially when you are in a relationship. Luckily, there are many ways in which you can overcome relationship anxiety. Here are a few of them.

Live in the present

It is impossible for us to predict the future. So, why should we worry about it? There are many relationships that turned out to be successful. Yours can also be one for them if you just give it the proper time and space to grow. If you continue to worry about the fate of your relationship in years to come, you will truly miss out on a lot of wonderful things that are happening in the present. Enjoy your current joy. Cherish the happiness that you get now from being with the person you love.

Have honest conversations

Communicating your feelings to your partner can help you get your emotions under control easily. Let your partner know about your insecurities, worries, expectations, dreams, and more. Compliment them on their best traits and let them know why they are special to for you [3]. Having honest conversations can help your partner understand you more as a human being and give you the affection and care you want from the relationship. Opening up can also help you get over the scars from your past breakups. 

Embrace your anxieties

Perhaps the best effective way to overcome your anxiety is to confront them. Question the reasons for your anxiety, understand the reason behind the issues, and tackle them with effective measures.

Seek professional help

If you are having problems with confronting your anxieties or fully opening up to your partner about your feelings, then you can always seek help from a mental health professional. With the help of some proper therapy and guidance, you will be able to overcome your negative and dysfunctional thoughts, low self-esteem, and other unwanted anxieties that you have about yourself and your partner.